Listening to that Inner Voice

Did some rain delay artwork at the 2018 VT Legion Baseball Championships ; )

Sitting with some coffee, listening to the dog snore at my hip, watching the trees blow and reflecting is a good way to start the day.

Spring is in the air.

For the first time since I was five... I won't be playing or coaching baseball this year. Thinking this through, even in the sabbatical I took in the Spring of 2013, I coached in the Summer season and then the All-Star tournament.

It's feeling a little weird at times not to be prepping at all for the upcoming season...
creating and updating player profiles to focus on areas to improve, reviewing team strengths and weaknesses and developing practice plans, building and updating scouting reports and trends on other teams and coaches, identifying areas to improve the youth programs, fundraising goals and schedules, planning field upgrades and renovations, writing college recommendations, etc. At other times though, more often than not the break from it all is feeling just fine.

For thirty years the 'official coaching season' began with high school baseball in mid-march, then a Summer season and then building an All-Star tournament team that carried into August. In reality though, the whole coaching season included Winter workouts each Sunday beginning in October, Fall baseball carried that into October, running coaching clinics, camps and year round fundraising filled up the 'offseason' each year.

My approach was immersive. I get that. I always felt the need to 'do baseball' that way. Immerse myself in it to find every opportunity to help each player and build a sustainable program, one with a community feel around the sport.

In the 2012 season I started to feel 'it'... the desire to take a step back and do other things. I stepped away from head coaching roles and reduced my work load somewhat with assistant coaching roles. I made the decision then that when my son was done with his youth baseball career - if the fates allowed, with high school and American Legion, I would be done coaching as well.

I've been redirecting all that prep time so far with reading, studying great artists and innovators, graphic art explorations, catching up with some old friends and... literally... taking a break. Long walks, dog time, exercise that's not 'squeezed in,' meditating, stretching, doing exercises to rejuvenate my shoulder after two surgeries and countless hours over the years of throwing batting practice, drawing, taking more time to eat and literally... doing 'nothing' sometimes. All the hours coming up that I used to dedicate to practices, games and travel will be more of the same... with some music and fabrication mixed in. It's time to get the guitar fixed and to get back to singing. It's time to take out the torches and building tools again, mix in some electronics, some programming, apply some artistry and have fun building some stuff.

I've turned down offers to help baseball programs, some tempting and some not so much - and I'm flattered for the opportunity, but it just feels right to step away.

I took great pride in helping kids learn to play, to love and appreciate the game and to build community in every way, shape and form around it. I have so many stories of kids heroics, how games turned for better or worse, incredible wins and losses, the joys and challenges of mentoring, parents - the good and the bad, and the great times with peers along the way and friendships that developed. I'm truly blessed to have had the opportunity and support.

A file cabinet of baseball coaching knowledge sits in the storage room here in the house. For now it'll just sit there. I've thought of mashing it together into a 'here's what I've found that works' type book or something, but there's tons of that material out there now and I'm not sure if revisiting it all has value to me at the moment. Perhaps it will in the future, we'll see. As I'm purging items on a path to minimalism we'll see what happens with all of it.

I've got some plans to go to some games with friends. You might see me pacing a bit. I might feel the itch when I see another coach or coaches let their players act poorly, when I see a coach hollering at a player with no instruction, or seeing the opportunity to seize a moment as a coach... applying a strategy to win a game. Regardless of whose playing, I'll be applauding great effort and skill all the time.

The dog is still snoring. Another cup of coffee is calling me for some reason, and then it's time for a walk and listen to the wind in the trees. Maybe some cardio work, maybe not.

Celebrate the work you've done, the success and failures, and embrace the need and desire to change and stay fresh and healthy. Listening to that inner voice is key.

Keep moving forward.

AP